not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
