if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
