She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
