WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
