how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
