So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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