i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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