I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!