The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance