i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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