i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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