He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
