i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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