I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
