Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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