I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your dad touched me again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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