Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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