THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
