i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the raccoons are back...
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