So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
