FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
