He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
