Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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