Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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