textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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