I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
