If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
