I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just cut my nipple shaving
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
