Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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