does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
