yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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