I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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