I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.