I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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