You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize