My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its not stalking. its research.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
