Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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