Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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