P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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