Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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