I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
