Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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