Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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