After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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