i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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