he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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