I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
