Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
