About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
