i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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