Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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