I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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