i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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