Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
