i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
