i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
