it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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