And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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