im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
