I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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