I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
