If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
