apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
