Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
